Who of us has not tried to overcome our addiction and yet always fell? We would decide enough is enough and grit our teeth, clench our fist, and out of sheer determination not act out again. How long did we last? For some, it may have been a few hours. Others, days weeks or maybe even months. And yet we always returned to acting out. Feelings of failure filled our hearts and minds. Yet we always attempted again and again. Our desire to break free was true so why could we not accomplish what we desired. Why could our minds not control our bodies?

Our brain alone is not superior to make meaningful change. For a significant change in ourselves, we need to include the heart and not just a determination or will power.  Determination must be part of our recovery, but it cannot be the reason. Determination alone lacks the continual motivations. True desires sink into our soul and we feel it in our heart. The heart may have been a part of our desire to change but it was not necessarily significant. To change ourselves we need to change our heart and then we can change our minds and ourselves. How do we begin to change our hearts? For me, it was I needed to give up things I thought I needed. Things like music, privacy on phone and computer. Others might be the gym, sports, or even work. Our desire to change needs to be more important to us than anything else and we must be willing to give up things to allow that change to happen.

A change of heart and determination need to work together to create change within ourselves. It is possible to have long periods of sobriety with just one of these, but it is when you use both together as a complete tool that transformation begins. In the end, we want to succeed in our mission. We want to show ourselves and others that we are not who we once were. We want to shed the feelings of shame that come from failure after failure. This is possible. We can be free if we change our true desire in our hearts to determine what is most important.